you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
