I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize