before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
