My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
