pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize