you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
