I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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