porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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