trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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