I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
