i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
