I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
