You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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