I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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