It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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