Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
