It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize