So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
