Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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