Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
