It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
