it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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