I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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