He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
