On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
