The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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