Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
