oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
