You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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