It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
