the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
