As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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