i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this just has baby written all over it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
