guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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