I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
