and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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