Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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