just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
