I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
