Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
