She is in my trunk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
