i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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