I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
