i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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