Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
