he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
