I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
