i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
