so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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