So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
