def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
