you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
