Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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