I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
