Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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