Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize