I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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