I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
