break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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