im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
