Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize