two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
