this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize