Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
