my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize