my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
